Who & Whom

In my end comments on students’ papers, I typically address them by name in an attempt to pretend there is some sort of collegial connection between us when in truth we all know I’m the whip-cracking master and they’re the sniveling academic field hands: “Tiffany: Your paper raises some interesting ideas, though it would be stronger if it were written in a language even marginally approximating English,” or “Josh: I like your enthusiasm, but I don’t think you’re quite on the mark in contending that ‘The Waste Land’ is a meditation on a cistern.” But inevitably in any batch of papers there are a couple of students who fail to put their names in a header at the top of the paper and I end up having to address my end comments with “Whomever (I don’t know your name): . . .” I use “whomever” because it’s grammatically correct and since I teach an English class I cling to some obligation to follow the rules, despite my thinking that the who/whom distinction is archaic and silly and should be abandoned as soon as common sense can take root in usage. There’s no more reason for it than the distinction between “thee” and “thou” or “thine” and “thy.” Nobody’s going to be confused if you write (incorrectly by rule) “Bob is the jerk who I gave the floss to” or “Who can we count on to bring the booze?” There are more than enough worries in English usage than trying to keep track of when to use the subjective “who” (or “whoever”) and when to use the objective “whom” (or “whomever”). The simple “who” works without confusion in every instance, just as “you” works in every instance. Language should be as simple and clear as possible. Free whoever!