Security Theater

If I were a suicide terrorist (and I hasten to say I’m not), and I wanted to get a liquid bomb onto a plane (and I don’t), to thwart the security theater (“making you feel safer for 10 years now!”), what I’d do is this (and this is no ingenious saboteur idea, just something that any pimply kid down the block could think up while waiting for their next game of Lands of Lore 3 Kingdom to boot up): I’d get together a few of my terrorist friends; book seats on some flight (preferably near the plane’s fuel tanks); pack our carry-ons with the allowed quart baggies, each carrying as many allowed 3-ounce containers as possible with explosives; after going through security theater, buy as many bottles of water as needed, meet up in the restroom, empty the water bottles, and fill them with the explosive liquids from the 3-ounce containers; get on the plane; and somewhere, preferably over a populated area, blow the whole thing up, and hurry to greet my 57 virgins.

The security theater at airports around the world is an expensive exercise in making the public feel safe after the fact. All of the threats – from the original 9/11 box cutter bombers (we can’t take any number of potential weapons on board (except any number of others that we can)) to the potential liquid bombers (we can’t take liquids or gels if not in 3-ounce containers packed in quart baggies) to the potential shoe bomber (we have to pass our shoes through the scanner) to the potential underwear bomber (we have to wear our underwear on the outside of our . . . oh, no, we just have to get an MRI and/or a groping of our genitals) – have been responded to after the fact. I just hope the next attempt – and there surely will be another – won’t involve anal insertion of plastic explosives. That would really slow the security line down.