Gifts For Those Who Have Everything -- But Want More

The obscenely wealthy must surely be feeling oppressed in their penthouses and mansions and yachts as protests against their extravagances and unpunished corruption and immorality have spread across the country and the world. But just in time to give these suffering souls some hope, the Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog (officially The Christmas Book) has been released. And talk about hope. Wouldn’t it perk you up to put on your wish list a Johnnie Walker Private Scotch Tasting Fantasy Gift, where “a top-notch event planner” would show up at your house and conduct a private tasting for you and 20 of your friends of the whole of the JW line – Red, Black, Green, Gold, and Blue. And each of your guests “will leave with a custom-engraved bottle of Johnnie’s premium-blend Blue Label for their personal enjoyment.” And all for just $5,000. Or maybe you’d prefer a custom-made table-tennis table, designed by artist Tom Burr – it doubles as a contemporary work of art – “perfectly sculpted from a distinctive choice in material – black rubber – turns ordinary sporting equipment into the sublime.” And only $45,000. But maybe you’d like to “escape to a serene place all your own”? Then you should ask to find an 18-foot-diameter yurt under your tree, complete with antique pillows, linen wall coverings, and a custom, handcrafted crystal chandelier, all “installed on your estate in the blink of an eye” for only $75,000. And maybe you should augment the yurt on your estate with a pair of custom dancing fountains, “two . . . amazing underwater robotic nozzles dancing as a couple, just for you.” Only $1,000,0000. (And if you tack on another $500,000, you can have a “guest choreographer” from the Fountains at Bellagio in Las Vegas come out and get your fountains really “Dancing In the Streets.” ) And of course you’ll want to have some getaway transportation, so why not ask for a Ferrari FF, with 651-horsepower V12 engine, a top speed of over 200 mph (useful in that bypass around those economic inequality protests), and an interior featuring “soft-touch semi-aniline leather with matching custom luggage set.” And only $395,000 (excluding “taxes, title, licensing, and registration fees plus delivery and handling charges”).

So who says life isn’t good? It sure is for at least a few of us.